Disappointment

I got my PFO letter from the company I had applied to for a job. With a simple letter, three lines long, went the hopes of getting a new apartment and going back to school. I know, logically, that this wasn't my final chance at doing such things, but I did have such hopes pinned on it. Finding out it won't happen has ruined my mood.

What is it that makes me so unemployable lately? According to every guide I've read, I used to do everything wrong and yet get a job anyway. Now I'm doing things the so-called right way and no company will hire me. It makes me wonder is companies actually was a depressed employee with little to no self-esteem, instead of an intelligent employee who seeks improvement and who can, at the very least, fake a positive attitude even when they don't feel it. Would I be better off going to interviews and acting like I don't deserve the job and that I'm profoundly uncomfortable, instead of going in appearing confident and smiling and with the ability to make small talk even when I hate it?

I wish I could just get a job transcribing audio and video, or doing copyedit work. More fields where you have to already have experience before somebody will give you a job to give you experience, though.

I'm going to try to cheer myself up with anime and leftover garlic bread. I won't get a job doing that, but it might at least be able to raise my mood a bit.

Killing time, or time is killing me.

Spending time watching subtitled Digimon Adventure 02 episodes (I still have a soft spot for Ken, and probably always will), and contemplating getting a small dedicated notebook to keep track of my fic notes. I have a large backlog of fics that I want to write, ranging across several fandoms, but the notes are scattered in various files and old journals, and it's hard to motivate myself to write when I have to do research just in order to find out whether or not I have to do research for any given fic.

Also making icons in between episodes, from screenshots that have caught my interest. It's nothing to brag about, but it passes the time until the next episode has loaded far enough to start watching without buffering problems. The icon in this entry is one of the ones I made. Simple, but I like it.

At least my Japanese is slowly improving. Whoever said that watching television decreases intelligence obviously never considered that people might watch shows in other languages in order to increase comprehension.