Jul. 10th, 2010

sarasvati: A white lotus flower floating on water. (Default)
Feeling rather unpleasant today after my heart decided that it was going to try to explode its way out of my chest earlier. (I know why it did this, though I don't much want to talk about it here [read: REPRESSING, LALALA!], but it my heart's not great to start with so it kinda freaked me out anyway.) Then my gut decided to join in the stressy fun. Oh joy, oh bliss.

This has been one hell of a week for me. I wish I could have been filled with loads of happy things, like cake and long writing sessions and lots of laughter, but it's instead been filled with health worries and stress and the knowledge that I should be writing but feel absolutely no inclination to.

I blame the heat for my lack of motivation. It's hard to want to do anything, let alone use a machine that warms with use, when it's over 30 degrees C outside.

Well, I tell something of a lie. I do want to write. I just don't want to write what I'm supposed to be writing. I'd rather go back to an older story and work on that instead. But I challenged myself to write something different thing month, and I'm now behind on my wordcount because blah, just don't feel like it.

I wish I could find happier things to talk about here. I feel like anyone who's read my DW lately must have just gone away feeling all depressed because all I talk about is how things suck and I'm having trouble and my health isn't great. There must be more to life than this! I want to get out of this slump I'm in!

I guess, ultimately, I wish life wasn't so very complicated. I know, I know, I think that everybody wishes that a thousand times in their life, and wishing for it never made it so. The only thing to really do is to pull myself up by my own bootstraps and keep on going, doing the best I can for as long as I can.

Some days, doing that sounds easier than others.

[Edit] - At least I finally remembered to send off that email to a lawyer, regarding the whole "You worked and we're not paying you for it" thing. Now all I can do it play the waiting game while keeping my fingers crossed.


sarasvati: A white lotus flower floating on water. (Default)

August 2011

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