sarasvati: A white lotus flower floating on water. (Default)
[personal profile] sarasvati
Last night at work, my legs started to ache. Very badly. Standing up didn't help, sitting down didn't help, stretching my legs in all different directions didn't help. I was glad, at least, that nobody really needed my help in a way that required me to get up and hobble over to them.

By the time I got home, they hurt so badly that getting up the stairs was more thanks to hauling myself up the railing and just lifting my feet when I needed to, rather than any actual stair-climbing. I downed a muscle relaxant and some painkillers just so that I could sleep.

My legs are still very stiff and sore this morning. Not as badly as last night, thankfully, but I'm still walking very slowly and leaning on walls when I can. If they don't get better before work, I'm going to have to seriously consider taking my cane with me for stability.

They've never hurt this badly before. This is getting ridiculous. I know I've been unsteady on my feet recently, and that my legs have ached and been stiff in the mornings, but I've never gone through this level of pain with them.

And yes, I'm still afraid to go to the doctor. Last time I saw my doctor, it was to request stress leave. This was the first time I saw him, and he was a bit reluctant to give me leave because he didn't know me well enough to know how much I needed it, but I really don't want to have to go back to him with another complaint that's huge like this. Even if it has been over a year since the stress leave thing. People keep telling me that this stuff is likely caused by stress, after all, and I can't afford to take stress leave (my workplace apparently has a nice history of firing people who go on stress or medical leave before their probationary period is up), nor do I want to look weak in front of a doctor like that. "Yes, doctor, I appear to be so stressed out by the normal things that everyone else goes through every day that I'm losing the ability to walk normally..." Makes a great second impression.

Playing Ragnarok is helping my stress levels come down somewhat, letting me make it through days without feeling so snappish, because I get to take out my frustration on little pixels in the shape of monsters. Very therapeutic. Maybe if I keep that up for a few weeks, and it is all just stress-related, I'll stop being in so much pain and I can get through life relatively normally again.
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sarasvati: A white lotus flower floating on water. (Default)
Sarasvati

August 2011

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